What Not to Say to a Trans Person Unless, Perhaps, You Are Trans?

This past weekend I attended a transgender conference and several different trans people, independently from one another, asked me if I was taking testosterone.

Now this might seem like a perfectly reasonable question for a trans person to ask a trans man.  After all, that’s what some trans men do, right?  Some transsexuals take hormones.

Heck, we might even get together as a group and talk about it, or some folks will blog about it, or make videos on YouTube about it.  All this hormone business is out there in the trans-o-sphere and no one thinks twice about one trans person asking another whether they’re taking hormones?

But what if a non-trans person had asked a trans person that question?

If a non-trans person were to ask me personal questions about medical treatments, such as whether I was taking testosterone, I might put that question in a blog post, with a list of inappropriate things that non-trans people say to trans people.

Or if a non-trans person asked me whether I was taking testosterone and that person happened to be a dental hygienist, I might write a blog post about inappropriate ways that health care providers treat trans people.

But in this case, it was trans people who asked me whether I was taking hormones to medically transition.  And so now, I ask you —

Is it any more (or less) appropriate for a trans person, rather than a non-trans person, to pose these sorts of questions to someone about their medical treatments?

Is there a double standard?

Readers, what do you think?

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36 Responses to What Not to Say to a Trans Person Unless, Perhaps, You Are Trans?

  1. Josh says:

    I’ve had many people inquire if they can ask a personal question. I say “Ask anything you want, that doesn’t mean I’m going to answer it.”

    Stick to your guns and give everyone your standard response. Your medical history is YOUR business.

  2. becky says:

    As a non trans person, who has probably already asked inappropriate questions, I shall pass on speculating on this one. 🙂

    • Aw, c’mon! You usually don’t duck these things… 😉 Although I don’t recall you asking any inappropriate questions. In fact, you stopped someone once from asking me an inappropriate question if I remember correctly…

  3. libertywolf says:

    Well, at trans conferences, people are talking about these things and they are “in the air”, that is part of why people go, to find out information and to get to know others and yes, to gossip and collect gossip. And, trans men are endlessly curious about other trans men’s medical journey, partly because we are trying to find out what is right for us, and what is not, and trying to ascertain what happens when on treatments or from surgeries, since we are always comparing ourselves or comparing one guy to another and attempting to figure out how it all fits together. Well, that’s my observation.

    Now, more to the point, I guess it would depend on who asked, and how they asked, and if you know them well, and what the context of the conversation was. If they were asking about testosterone and its effects, then, they might ask you if you are talking with them about that topic. I don’t think that is off bounds personally. If they are someone you don’t particularly like, and whose motivations may be salacious, that is just to get info for the gossip mill, then maybe it is not so OK.

    I can usually, though not always, tell if someone may be taking testosterone (if they were not on it before), the effects are fairly dramatic, after all. But, sometimes, when people are taking a low dose, or just beginning, it is not quite so clear. I try not to ask (usually), and often the person will tell me if we talk long enough since – we may end up talking about hormones. And, often, trans men who are beginning, like to ask me questions, and so – at some point, since I am being open, they will return the gesture.

    I guess it just depends. I don’t think it is always wrong, but it is like any question, it all depends on who is asking it and the context for the question.

    I know that trans men tend to be sensitive about these things, and so I am careful, if not always perfectly sensitive all the time.

    It could be that people are sensing a change in you, and wanted to confirm their hunch.

    • Thanks Libertywolf. I did consider that we were at a conference. These were people who I see mostly at this particular conference every year, so I don’t know them very well. I wouldn’t call them close friends. It was a trans woman, a crossdresser and a trans guy (the latter of which I see a bit more often) and they just came out and asked. They didn’t seem to be trying to learn something from me and my experience for their own edification or information. My impression was that they were simply satisfying their curiosity.

      On the other hand, there were scores of people that I knew who were at the same conference, who saw me there as well and who might have been just as curious but didn’t ask.

      Glad you replied – it’s reminded me that I haven’t checked out your blog in a while and need to see what you’ve been up to and/or thinking about lately.

      • libertywolf says:

        Oh, I am just warming up for the year on the blog, but definitely check it out! Its a slow start but there will be more comin’!

        Being asked invasive questions or questions that feel invasive is nearly part of being trans, not that we can’t tell people that we don’t want to answer. Now, that I have the memoir out, I have actually told people to read the book! I figure, its in there, whatever they are asking, and sometimes — I don’t want to talk about it now. I don’t think I’ve told transpeople that, but I certainly could.

        Ultimately, if you don’t feel comfortable answering a question, you don’t have to.

        But, I know you know that.

  4. Jackson says:

    Honestly, I am more comfortable with trans people asking me questions about hormones and other stuff than cis people. The reason is that there is usually going to be a different reasoning process going on… cis people often ask because they are either nosy or delight in the freakish; trans men who ask me the same question are usually looking for information, commonality, reassurance, things like that. Not that we can’t also be nosy, but that’s an individual thing.

    I hate when people talk about this stuff in terms of “double standards.” Yes, there are questions and requests that are appropriate coming from one person that are inappropriate coming from another, and people (yes, even cis people) just need to deal with that. The last time I went to the doctor she asked me if I was currently sexually active. That was an appropriate thing for her to ask me. If a stranger asked me it would be none of their damned business. If a job interviewer asked me it would be illegal. So what’s really the big deal if somebody is OK with trans people asking about hormones and not OK with cis people?

  5. CombatQueer says:

    One of a my best friends is a young trans guy who has just started T. I have talked more with him about the effects of hormones on my body than just about anybody else. I’m a trans woman, and for the vast majority of people I would never considering talking about my body, but because he’s a good friend and nervous about what he’s going through, well, I think it makes a difference. It’s good to know that we can depend on each other.

    But yeah, I would not talk about my body with random cis or trans people.

  6. Reese says:

    The word transsexual should be abolished from the trans community. It has been used to degrade us and has no place in our discourse. Please don’t perpetuate this description of gender variance. Trans, transgender are much more accurate terms. Sex is biological/genetic. Gender is not. Unless you are intersex, the word transsexual is not scientifically correct.

    • Hello Reese.
      I appreciate this debate and have read two sides of the argument (maybe there are more I haven’t read about). I know that there are folks such as yourself who think that the term ‘trassexual’ should not be used to describe any trans folks, and then there are those who want to move transsexuals not only out from under the transgender umbrella, but out from the entire GLBT community.

      Personally, I agree, in part, with Denise. I feel that the term transsexual identifies a subset of people under the transgender umbrella. I consider myself as both a transseuxal and a transgender man. These are my own opinions and obviously might not agree with those of others.

      Have you considered discussing your thoughts with Ashley Love and her colleagues who want to move transsexuals out from under the transgender umbrella? You can find Ashley’s blog here: http://transformingmedia.blogspot.com/

  7. Denise says:

    Hello Reese, though Transsexual may not be scientifically accurate it is sociologically. With Transgender becoming an umbrella term it has become diluted thereby becoming less useful for identification. I looked up “Transgender” in Wikipedia and got the following.

    2 Transgender identities
    2.1 Transsexual
    2.2 Cross-dresser
    2.3 Transvestite
    2.4 Drag kings and queens
    2.5 Genderqueer
    2.6 People who live cross-gender
    2.7 Androgyne
    2.8 Bigender

    And in the Merriam Webster Dictionary I got this.

    Definition of TRANSGENDER

    : of, relating to, or being a person (as a transsexual or transvestite) who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs from the one which corresponds to the person’s sex at birth.

    I think language is more useful when it can fully allow one to express themselves accurately and succinctly, “Transgender” does neither.

    Sorry for continuing the derailment of this fine thread!

    Kindly,
    Denise

  8. brandnewman says:

    Well, you may find it offensive to be asked by your dental hygienist if you take testosterone, but you should disclose all medication (incl. testosterone) you are taking to your dentist for your own safety. I disclosed to my dental hygienist in private and she just put a note in my file.

    • Hello brandnewman and thanks for the comment. A couple quick notes as replies:

      First, I don’t find it offensive that the dental hygienist asked if I was taking hormones (she did not ask about testosterone specifically). I was annoyed that she asked me three times after I had already answered the question that no, I was not taking any new medications.

      Second, your comment that I should disclose all medications, including testosterone, to my dentist makes me wonder whether you are automatically assuming (just like the hygienist did) that I was on testosterone. If so, that would be an incorrect assumption.

  9. grtransguy says:

    With the exception of my current doctor, I have not had any cis person (who knows I’m trans) ask me any questions whatsoever relating to my being trans, probably because I live in a part of the country where people just tend to be more polite and try to keep things cordial. However, I am willing to be very open about it and I wish people would ask me questions they have rather than being afraid they are going to offend me by asking.

    Like someone else said, with anything, it depends on how it is being asked and what the intentions are behind it. As long as there’s no malintent, then I think it’s fine. I’m a firm believer that understanding is what breaks down intolerance and hatred. If a question about hormones can break the ice, then I’m all for it. And I don’t see it as anything wrong if someone is asking questions to satisfy their curiosity. Ever notice that the haters aren’t asking questions? They are just making assumptions and think they already know it all and that what they believe is fact. I’ll take a curious person over that any day.

    I think that when we shut people down who are curious, then we are running the risk of creating haters from people who otherwise may not have been. Someone’s experience with me may effect how they feel about all transmen. Whether we like it or not, each of us is always representing everyone else who is in whatever group(s) we a part of.

    As for other trans people asking me questions, I think it is important. As was mentioned, we are always comparing ourselves to one another and seeking information about what to expect and how hormones affect each of us differently. Also, “transgender” is a very broad term and can encompass people who seek to medically transition, those who do not, and those who want to but haven’t started yet. “Are you on hormones?” is a question that can tell a transperson if the other transperson is someone they have more in common with in terms of experiences of being transgender. I don’t see it as any different than “do you have kids?” or “what was your major?”

    Also, getting on hormones is a real milestone for many transpeople, so I also see it as being kind of like the question “when do you graduate?”

    Personally, I am grateful to people who are willing to share info about themselves because it helps me to gain more understanding, which I think helps me to be a better person. So I am glad to return the favor by sharing with others.

    • Hello grtransguy. I hear what you’re saying and although I can’t say that I agree, I did ask for readers’ comments and so I thank you for sharing your opinion.

    • j says:

      I’m a bit late on this thread. just to establish certain things – I’m a ciswoman. had an ex fiance who was a transman. Have a close buddy who is a transman. And I live in a country where intersex people and transwomen are worshiped and feared for having divine powers. So that’s how I’m here on this website and have been for some time. Anyway, Grtransguy you’ve taken the words out of my mouth.
      I feel it’s good that you are open to talking about answering questions. To answer or not, is everyone’s prerogative. Everyone’s circumstances vary. No one should stand in judgement of another person. What works for one transperson need not work for another. And each to his own, I say.
      But I feel it is better to learn about trans issues from a transperson themselves.Since it is so much more personalized. Turning to the media (books, tv, internet) for answers is not the same.
      Also to assume most cispeople are out to get transpeople, make fun of them or ask questions for their cheap thrills is unfortunate and very demeaning.
      In every culture what can be asked and what cannot be discussed varies. In a place like American which is so multicultural and heterogenous, it must be much tougher to decide what the boundaries are. what is okay with one group of people may not be okay with another group of people.
      Personally I am very grateful to transpeople who take the time off to educate. Who are kindhearted about the unintentional lack of finesse some cispeople may have and make allowances for them.
      My first brush with transwomen was with the Hijra community, in my country was when I was younger. They used to come to collect alms. People used to be afraid to open their doors to them. I was secretly a bit scared. Fear is learned. Later on, I clearly remember being in the 6th grade and my mom was waiting with me for the school bus and a group of transwomen were going about collecting alms. One of them, a lovely, very beautiful transwoman smiled at me. It was a kind smile. She figuratively put her hand out to me, and I was a changed person. I have never feared the hijra community after that. What you dont know, you fear, and what you fear you hate. Anyway I used to frequent an LGBT center in my city and I eventually had the opportunity to talk to some ladies from the hijra community. And that deepened my great respect for them. If I ever thought I was ‘different’ from them, after speaking to them I realised that we were the same in many of our likes and dislikes and attitudes. It’s always good to mix and mingle with people who you perceive to be different. You’ll see that many times, we are more like than unlike each other.
      I feel every relationship is a two way street. You have to give to get. I’m glad there are men like you grtransguy. Everyone is different about the Q&A part which is but natural. But what you put out you get back. I say spend some time educating people and you will get an educated response. Ignore the ignorant, and you will get only ignorance. This is my personal opinion. Saying that, I’d also say it is physically and mentally and emotionally demanding to open yourself to people. As a muslim woman who has to constantly deal with stereotypes and people thinking all muslims are terrorists and all muslims demean their women, gosh it can get really quite tough to educate people. Some days I snap off answers and bite peoples heads off. Other days I just get jaded and ignore. And thank God that when it really matters I have found the strength to open my mouth and talk… somehow I find the strength to, and educate an ignorant person. I cannot do it all the time, it is EXHAUSTING. But when I can, I do.
      Like I say, each to his own.

      • Hi J. Good to hear from you. Thanks for the post.

        I don’t disagree with what you’re saying about educating people and I never said that I refuse to educate non-trans people about trans people. I have done it ad nauseum. All I am saying is that non-trans people can be educated about trans people without the need to ask about hormones, surgeries or genitals, which are personal questions about medical treatments. If non-trans people want to know about those personal things, they CAN look on the internet and get information that way rather than ask personal, inappropriate questions.

        There is a lot more to trans people than their medical treatments, and yet that is what we are constantly reduced to. And there is nothing in your discourse about your interaction with the Hijra woman or muslim people being stereotyped as terrorists that has anything to do with the Hijra or muslims disclosing their medical treatments to people. I mean, honestly, there is a distinction here.

        Based on what you’re saying, you should be perfectly willing to educate me about all of the surgeries you have had and the medications you take and what your genitals look like so I won’t fear you as a muslim or think you are a terrorist. I am an ignorant non-muslim and so could you please tell me about your medical history and your genitals so I can be educated about Muslims?

  10. I tell you what a double standard is – a double standard is the way trans people get treated compared to how cis people get treated. (Notice the passive voice. Guess who the agent is doing the treating.)

    Trans people might have legitimate reasons for wanting to know whether someone else is on hormones, and if so, what effect it’s had on them. Cis people – not so much, like others have said above.

    I don’t think we could make someone be a hater if they weren’t one before. If a cis person is rude to a cis person when asked inappropriate questions about their cisness, the cis person doing the asking does not go on to hate cis people from then on. Because cis people see each other as human and as individuals. In order to become a hater of trans people because a trans man one time told you, “none of your business,” when you asked him if he was on T, you already have to see trans people as something less than you. A cis person who doesn’t think a trans person owes them something isn’t going to get mad and hate trans people because the trans person refused to answer their questions.

    • Amen Southcarolinaboy…

    • …..when you *asked* him…..

    • grtransguy says:

      Of course the cis person isn’t going to hate all cis people because another cis person is rude to them. That would require that they hate themselves. But if the one cis person is, for instance, a Christian and the other is Jewish, or one is of higher income and the other is lower income, or one is preppy and the other is grunge, etc., etc…. We are always putting others in groups that are either part of one that we belong to or not part of it. And we live in a world where people will form opinions about a group from their experiences with someone from that group. That’s why I have always told my kids to take care about how they behave towards others and in public because it’s going to affect the next person that comes after them who also seems to be part of the same group.
      Having fear about what can or cannot be said keeps conversations from happening that could break down misconceptions. Being rude to someone and trying justify it simply is not productive. It will accomplish nothing more than generating negativity.

      • If refusing to answer questions that the person being asked finds personal and inappropriate is “rude”, then the bar for politeness is set very high for trans people – too high. I got no interest in trying to be polite all the time, if that’s the case. If cis people hate trans people because I or some other trans person refuses to answer their questions, (or educate them,) then they were quite eager to hate us in the first place – that’s the thing.

        • Yeah, I would have to agree with southcarolinaboy — refusing to answer a question is not rude, especially if the question is personal and inappropriate. Asking such a personal question in the first place is rude, in my opinion. HOW the question is answered (or not answered) can become rude and my impression is that southcarolinaboy is not intending to be rude, just private.

          When I receive inappropriate questions, I sometimes say, “That’s not really an appropriate question,” or sometimes I’ll say, “I won’t discuss my own personal medical treatments, but I can tell you that some trans people take hormones and some do not… etc.” I can still offer general information without talking about myself and my private medical information.

          However, I don’t think that every trans person should feel obligated to answer questions of non-trans people, no matter how curious or well-meaning they are when they ask. Some trans people don’t mind answering questions, and that’s great, but it’s not our responsibility to educate people. There is all sorts of information out there on the internet, at the library, the bookstore, on TV where people can get information about trans people. That’s my opinion about it anyway.

  11. j says:

    LOL. Is that a challenge? Ok so lets talk … and since I have an endo problem that is so obvious to the world, let’s talk about that. Thanks to my changing appearance, I constantly have to explain myself and medic issues to people. Cannot get away from that so I do it with a dash of humor and I hope a lot of sensitivity.
    I have PCOS. I fight it everyday. And it is the dark spot on my life. I know many women have this problem. So I answer questions a lot. From women and men. Who knows who I may help by answering questions.
    I don’t usually flinch talking about my clitoris and how it grew (there I talked about it on a public forum), or the beard and hair on my upper lip that was thick and unslightly, and the fight with my weight which was tragic. Or the weight loss and how my breasts looked afterwords. My body masculinized to a very large extent and I was putting on muscle at a rapid rate and went from minnie mouse to hulk hogan. I lost my femininity. PCOS even results in depression and I talk about that very openly too and how I hit rock bottom and stayed there for 7 years.
    So what if a man walks up to me and says “so what’s the state of your clit? babe”. I’ll just answer it as I answer everyone else. With the truth. If he’s an uneducated oaf, I’ll at least put some medical sense into his head. Once you get into the medical stuff, they listen if they wanted the medic info in the first place or they get bored and walk away.
    I talk about the medication and the effect on my clit. Then the whole diet and exercise thing and how it effected my sexuality and desire in a huge way. I talk about balding and how I lost 40 % of my hair and the way I’d obsessively sit by the drain and pick hair off after I washed my hair, to count how many strands I had lost. Even my hair texture changed from straight to curly !!! To me it is all medical stuff. And I tell everyone I talk to, to go out and spread what I’ve told them. Maybe we will be able to help someone’s child, sister or mother. I talk about laser hair removal, and the scarring and burns I had as a result, the scars were very obvious and I could not hide them. So I spoke openly. And learnt how compassionate people can be. Men whom I thought would be turned off and leave me alone went out of their way to be nice to me. My female friends did all kinds of research to help me with the laser thing.
    When I was putting on weight, some men who were interested in me lost interest. I talk very openly about how devastating I got cut out cold. Nothing to be ashamed of. This is my life. This is who I am. If you like me the way I am, “thanks”. If you don’t, well then I know I cannot please everyone.
    My physical changes were very obvious. I could not hide them. Long before I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance, people thought I was greedy and lazy. It was ghastly being branded as greedy. I knew I was barely eating. Some of the comments were really unkind. Till today I answer Questions about insulin resistance at least 5 times a day!!!
    No one likes to be reduced to just their physical appearance. But some of us are. It’s our cross to carry. Not all women are like me. Some cannot articulate as well as I do. Some of them are shy. Some of them are ashamed. I just got over mine by the time I was 12.
    I come from a community and social strata where there are no bars on what can be discussed.
    Oh for heavens sake, the joking term for muslims in my country is ‘cut’. she is a ‘cut’, he is a ‘cut’ … meaning circumcised. You know jewish and muslim men have their bit of Q&A about that part of their medical history ;-)) from curious boys (and some girls).
    Interestingly during riots when they were killing muslim men in my city, they used to find out it the men they had rounded up were muslim or not, by peeling off their pants to check if they were circumcised. No kidding there. If they found you were circumcised, they’d douse you with petrol and light a match.
    Sorry I’ve taken a lot of space on this post. I cannot be around to debate anymore. I’m heading into another week of work. Glad do see you have some time to write. Offices should think of their staff’s recreation too. Everyone deserves time off.

    • Wow, J. Well, it’s certainly noteworthy that you shared so much of your personal information. Kudos to you for sharing your story.

      However, you didn’t answer my question.

      I asked, “I am an ignorant non-muslim and so could you please tell me about your medical history and your genitals so I can be educated about Muslims?” Your answer, as personal as it was, didn’t teach me anything about what it’s like to be a Muslim. You taught me what it’s like to be a woman with PCOS. If I was fearing you and assuming that you were a terrorist because you’re Muslim before you wrote all that personal information, then now I’m still fearing you and assuming that you’re a terrorist because you’re Muslim, but now I also know you have PCOS. My opinion of you as a Muslim has not been altered by the personal medical information that you shared.

      So no, it wasn’t a challenge. My point was that my knowing about your genitals does nothing to bring me to a better understanding about you as a Muslim, just as a non-trans person knowing about my genitals does nothing to bring them to a better understanding about me as a trans person.

      Second, although the changes your body has undergone due to PCOS might seem to be an experience that is in parallel to that of trans men who take testosterone, in fact, it’s not. The changes that you experience – the enlargement of your clitoris, the body hair growth, etc – are out of your control and are unwanted side effects of a disease that you have. For trans men on testosterone, the same bodily changes are self-imposed and desired (usually) as a way for them to express their own sense of themselves. And so, a more adequate comparison would be if you decided to wear a hijab as a way to express your own sense of your religion. I’m not sure what it would be like in India, but here in the U.S, I can’t imagine that strangers who meet you, upon learning that you are Muslim, would ask you why you are wearing a hijab. First, it would be understood that you are expressing your own sense of your religion, and second, it would be considered impolite to ask you such a question, yet politeness and etiquette go out the window too often when a non-trans person meets a trans person.

      Third,to that point, your reference to jokes in India between Muslims and Jews as to whether a person is a “cut” (referring to whether they are circumcised) is also not a valid comparison because it is common vernacular where you live. In contrast, some non-trans people will ask trans people personal questions that they would never think of asking other non-trans people. It’s as though some non-trans people see us as non-deserving of the same common decency, politeness and consideration that is afforded to non-trans people, and it’s justified in the name of curiosity or wanting to be educated.

      Fourth, if a man walks up to you and says “so what’s the state of your clit? babe” … I mean, really? Really? Even if you choose to answer such an offensive question, that doesn’t change the fact that the question was offensive in the first place. Personally, I think answering such a question doesn’t put any kind of sense into anyone’s head because I doubt anyone who poses such a question can learn anything. If they could, they would have already learned that they shouldn’t be asking such awful questions. And I also think that answering such a question implicitly gives permission to that person to keep on posing such offensive, inappropriate questions.

      That’s my opinion anyway. As always, others might, and probably do, disagree.

      So thank you for the engaging debate. I hope that things where you work go better and you get some relief from all the hours you have been putting in.

      Now I’m going to go mourn yet another Super Bowl where the Patriots lost to the Giants.

  12. “Fourth, if a man walks up to you and says “so what’s the state of your clit? babe” … I mean, really? Really? Even if you choose to answer such an offensive question, that doesn’t change the fact that the question was offensive in the first place. Personally, I think answering such a question doesn’t put any kind of sense into anyone’s head because I doubt anyone who poses such a question can learn anything. If they could, they would have already learned that they shouldn’t be asking such awful questions. And I also think that answering such a question implicitly gives permission to that person to keep on posing such offensive, inappropriate questions.”

    Pretty much this. In the end, it has nothing to do with seeing people as more human, but only objectifying them further.

  13. Some Rude Tranny Who Refuses To Invite Strangers Into Her Doctor's Office Or Into Her Pants says:

    As background, I am MTF, and have been on estrogen for over twenty years. In day-to-day life, I have no interest whatsoever in discussing it with anyone.

    On the question of the type of questioner, I would say that a transsexual person *might* have legitimate reason to ask, due to shared concerns about effects, safety, etc. But that isn’t automatic. Many, many interactions in transwhatever situations (e.g. support groups) are about competition, and trying to diagnose other people as pseudo/wannabes, or unpassable, or otherwise losers. And if you seem to have your act together, and/or are perceived as more passable, the envy will be expressed as open hostility. Those are big reasons why I gave up on those situations/groups/etc many years ago.

    Cis people never have any legitimate reason to ask, and they never have any genuine desire to learn in a respectful way. It is always with the attitude that the transsexual person owes them something, and that the transsexual person magically brought the subject up merely by being transsexual. Some cis people think they are cool and hip because they are interested in this issue, and expect transsexual people to feel flattered by the attention.

    One big issue is that, if you are willing to discuss being transsexual (even answering simple questions), you will be reduced to that one issue, and it will be the only thing that the nosy cis wants to talk about. They won’t move on or see you as a full human with other distinguishing features.

    They also have no respect that there are limits. Answering any question, (even just acknowledging the fact that you are transsexual) is interpreted as agreeing to a full interrogation with questions on every intimate detail. They view your body and your life as a public space.

    Lastly, answering these kinds of questions (even just acknowledging the fact that you are transsexual) is interpreted as soliciting their opinion, or advice. And interpreted as asking for their permission, or for their orders about what to do with your body. They always think that, you being transsexual, is motivated to involve and affect them personally.

    In my experience, nothing good or respectful ever comes from discussing the subject with any cis person, regardless of what they claim about their intentions. And only rarely does anything good or respectful come from discussing the subject in face-to-face interactions with transwhatever people.

    • Some Rude Tranny Who Refuses To Invite Strangers Into Her Doctor's Office Or Into Her Pants says:

      One more thing. We all know what the much bigger question is. All together now, in unison: “Have You Had The Operation?”

      I have actually seen/heard people claim that that is “not” a question about the target’s genitalia, and that it is “not” a question about personal medical history. Cis people also insist they “need” this information in order to decide how to behave towards the transsexual person, including when it is obvious that there are prospects for any sexual intimacy.

      The non-legitimacy of this question is the same as I described about the hormone question. And the whole, “People need to decide if you are good enough to have sex with” attitude is based on the assumption that the transsexual person is automatically attracted to the cis person.

      There is absolutely no limit to the cis sense of entitlement and authority.

      • Some Rude Tranny Who Refuses To Invite Strangers Into Her Doctor's Office Or Into Her Pants says:

        Gaah. Paragraph 2 should be, “that there are NO prospects…”

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